GNT #090: One Skill to Turn Crisis into Comeback

read time: 4 minutes
 

One of my mentors, J, was a C-suite executive at a $5 billion retail company.

He was in a great place, helping the business transform and grow. Then, on a sunny Friday morning, during his weekly meeting with the CEO, he heard the words no one expects:

"We're going to have you step off the Executive Team."

J was taken back. His thoughts spiraled: What did I do wrong? Was it last quarter's results? How could I not see this coming?

But his response? He paused, and then said, "I completely understand. I'm happy to step down, and I'll be here for whatever else you need in the process."

That pause made all the difference. In that brief moment, J separated his initial gut reaction from his ultimate choice. His instinct was to feel defensive, but his choice was to accept and support. Six months later, the same CEO invited J back onto the executive board, and they went on to achieve great things together.

What I love about this story is that J demonstrated a powerful skill called emotional agility - the ability to pause, recognize your emotions, and make a choice that aligns with your values rather than simply reacting.

Why does emotional agility matter? Because without it, we're at the mercy of our immediate reactions, often defensive, short-sighted, or fear-driven. Left unchecked, these instincts can damage relationships, limit opportunities, and prevent us from showing up as the best versions of ourselves.

I faced a challenging situation just this past week, and I found myself channeling J, and using emotional agility to create that crucial separation between my gut reaction and my conscious response.

Today’s newsletter is all about emotional agility: how to cultivate this skill, apply it in your life, and make better decisions under pressure.

Let's dig in. 

The Power of the Pause

When something difficult or unexpected hits us, our first instinct is usually not our best one.

It's reactive, emotional, and often focused on self-protection. But that split-second pause, the moment we choose to not just react, but to reflect, creates an opportunity for emotional agility.

How do you build this "pause muscle"? Like most skills, it takes practice. Here are three simple but powerful strategies:

1. Label Your Emotions:

When you feel your emotions bubbling up, take a moment to silently label them: "I'm feeling defensive right now," or "I’m anxious about this feedback." Studies show that labeling your emotions helps activate the brain’s rational processing areas, creating a mental gap between feeling and action. Simply naming what you’re experiencing can create a buffer between feeling and action.

2. Breathe Deeply

I know it sounds cliché, but there's a reason deep breathing is so often recommended.

When you’re under stress, your body's fight-or-flight response kicks in, and your breath becomes shallow. Consciously taking a few deep breaths can signal to your nervous system that it's safe to relax. This buys you precious seconds to shift from reaction to intention.

Try a simple 4-4-4 exercise: breathe in for four counts, hold for four, breathe out for four. 

3. Ask Yourself One Key Question

This question has saved me from countless regrettable reactions: "What outcome do I really want?"

In J's situation, an outward reaction of defensiveness or frustration, might have made the CEO’s decision even firmer. But by choosing a response aligned with his values (grace, understanding, support), J kept the door open for future opportunities.

When you ask yourself what you really want, it’s easier to choose the action that best supports your long-term goals.

From Pause to Choice

Once you have that space, you can better choose your response deliberately. Here’s how to make sure your response is productive:

Focus on Your Values
J valued collaboration in his work, even during challenging times. When you’re in a tough situation, anchoring yourself in your core values will guide you to respond with integrity. Ask yourself, “How would the person I aspire to be handle this situation?”

Take the High Road
In emotionally charged moments, the "high road" often feels like the longer, harder path. But responding in a way that reflects kindness, empathy, and professionalism almost always pays off. Whether it’s a tough conversation with a coworker, a partner, or a client, choosing a response that’s rooted in respect leaves a positive impression, even when emotions are tense.

Stay Open to the Future
When J gracefully accepted stepping off the executive team, he showed that he was bigger than the setback. This left the door open, and that door swung right back open six months later. If you handle tough situations with composure, you’ll be the person people think of when opportunities come back around.

Takeaway

Emotional agility isn’t just being emotionless. It’s not about denying what you feel. It’s really about noticing those feelings, pausing, and consciously choosing what comes next.

It's a skill I'm working on because I know it will help me live more aligned with my values.

This week, I challenge you to practice emotional agility:

• Start small. When someone cuts you off in traffic, or when a project at work goes sideways, notice the immediate reaction. Label it. Breathe. Choose how you want to respond.
• Reflect after the fact. If you do react poorly, that’s okay. We all do. Reflect on it later: What did I feel? What might have helped me pause? The more aware you become of your emotional triggers, the easier it will be to manage them.

And just perhaps, the choices you make today will open doors you never knew were there.

See you next week.

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