GNT #002: How to Connect with Anyone in 60 Seconds or Less

Have you ever met someone you feel instantly connected to?

And then - watch their ability to easily connect with someone else?

You might think this is an innate, unteachable skill.

But you’d be wrong.

This ability to quickly create authentic connections is a skill you can learn and get better at over time. It’s a matter of learning Emotional Intelligence and a simple framework to follow.

Read on for some tips that will help you genuinely connect quickly with everyone you meet.

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[geeks like me, take note]

Yes, this skill will help you in networking, team building, selling, leading, and connecting with new neighbors - BUT more importantly this skill allows you to fulfill a basic human need for yourself and others.

Matthew Lieberman conducted research at UCLA that shows being social and connecting with others is as fundamental as food, shelter, and water. His research shows that humans feel social pain, such as the loss of a relationship, in the same part of the brain that we feel physical pain.

We are hard wired to be social creatures.

Given this fact, you’d think it would be easy to connect with everyone we meet. Unfortunately, against our own benefit, we get bogged down by:

• Impostor syndrome
• Negative thoughts
• Distraction
• Apathy
• Laziness
• Fear
• Ego

If we can get out of our own way, it is very possible to create wonderful, fast connections that benefit our career, life, and basic human needs.

Here's how, step by step:


#1: Make a Strong First Impression in 7 Seconds

Research concludes that most people decide whether or not they have a positive impression of someone in seven seconds.

Then they spend the rest of the time justifying their initial impression.

Yes, this is really scary when you think about it.

But, being aware of this changes how we enter into conversations. Let’s take advantage of this knowledge.

Firstly, body language is very closely tied with first impressions. Start becoming aware of your mannerisms. Are they positive? Often we pick up body language habits over time without even realizing it.

• What gestures do you use?
• Facial expressions? Are you smiling?
• Tone of voice? Is it enthusiastic?
• Are your arms crossed?
• Are you making eye contact?
• Are you facing or leaning into the person you’re speaking with?

These are all forms of positive body language that emotionally intelligent people use to draw others in.

And they can make all the difference in a conversation.

In fact, we unconsciously mirror the body language of the person we’re interacting with.

>> Want to test this? Smile during a conversation and see if they return the favor.

HOW you say something can be even more important than WHAT you say.

First impression factors:

• 55% comes from what we SEE (facial expression, body language, dress/appearance)
• 38% comes from tone of voice, how we SOUND
• 7% comes from our WORDS

#2: Ask good questions and be open to learning

There’s a huge difference between asking, “What do you do?” and “How did you end up in finance?”

Ask questions that will help you understand what drives the other person. These questions will further your connection.

Once you start to uncover what makes the other person tick, ask yourself - “How can I learn from the person I’m speaking with.”

We get to have the unique opportunity to speak with this person, in this moment. Let’s make the most of it!

Not only will this mentality help you connect in conversation, but it also makes the other person feel important.

In showing we are looking to learn, we are also building trust by being real and vulnerable.

Keep in mind:

• Empathize, even if you don’t agree with their choices.
• Try to actively listen. Stay focused on what they’re saying and stop worrying about what you’re going to say next, or the many items on your to-do list. You GET this time to connect for a reason. Make the best use out of it.
  

#3 Look for the good - and put yourself in their shoes

Our culture can often lead us toward cynicism without realizing it.

Sometimes we focus on reasons not to engage with someone instead of the reasons we should.

For these types of conversations, try to focus on looking for the good.

It keeps us from passing judgement too soon. And when we expect the best, people are likely to deliver it.

The lesson we learned as little tots still applies to us as adults.

Treat people the way THEY (not you) want to be treated.

Doing so makes your new connection more at ease - and more likely to open up. It also shows you’re been actively listening and really heard what they had to say.

Making genuine connections is good for us

Have a networking meeting coming up?

The good news is that we’re hardwired to connect with each other. We just sometimes get in our own way.

Takeaways:
1. Make a strong first impression in 7 seconds.
2. Ask good questions and be open to learning.
3. Look for the good - and put yourself in the other person’s shoes.

Try these tips the next time you meet someone new, and watch a light meeting turn into a real connection.

See you next week.

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