GNT #117: Small talk

read time: 3.5 minutes

Small talk gets a bad rap.
People write it off as filler, awkward, or unnecessary.

But I’ve come to believe the opposite.

Small talk is one of the simplest, most underrated ways to make someone’s day a little better.

A kind comment in the checkout line.
A thoughtful question before a meeting starts.
A quick exchange in the elevator that says, “Hey, I see you.”

It doesn’t have to be deep. Or long. Or clever.

I grew up around this kind of easy connection.
On a Minnesota farm, you didn’t need an icebreaker. You talked about the weather, or the driveway conditions, or how someone’s truck was starting in the cold.

(And if you’ve ever seen the 1993 PBS gem How to Talk Minnesotan, you know exactly what I mean.)

Somewhere along the way, with our phones and our packed schedules, we started seeing small talk as a waste of time.

But it’s not.

It’s one of the fastest ways to build trust, brighten someone’s day, and turn a stranger into a connection.

So today, we’re talking:

• Why small talk still matters (maybe more than ever)
• What makes it feel awkward or draining
• And 5 ways to make small talk simple, intentional, and surprisingly impactful

Let’s dig in.

Why small talk still matters

It actually does something pretty big.
It creates micro-moments of connection.

It builds trust before a future deal is made.
It opens the door to deeper conversation.
It reminds people they’re not invisible—which is no small thing in today’s world.

And whether you’re leading a team, growing a business, or simply navigating daily life, I truly believe these moments matter.

Especially now.

We’re more digitally connected than ever but often more emotionally distant.
Small talk is one of the few remaining ways we signal care in real time.

What actually makes small talk awkward

It’s not the topic.
It’s the energy behind it.

Even weather talk can feel meaningful when it’s sincere.
But when we’re distracted or trying to fill space, it's noticeable.

Small talk gets uncomfortable when we’re not really listening, when we’re trying to impress, or when we’re forcing connection instead of letting it unfold.

The good news is it doesn’t take much to turn that around.

5 ways to make better small talk 

1. Be present, not perfect

You don’t have to be charming, witty, or wildly interesting.
You just have to be there—present in the moment. 

Make eye contact. 
Actually listen—don't think about what to say next.
Notice the person speaking in front of you.

Try this:
Before you speak, take a breath and think, “I’m here. And this matters.”
It’s simple, but it shifts the whole moment.

(The only exception is if you're talking Minnesotan. The angle at which you should speak is never more than 45 degrees.) 😉

2. Ask questions you actually care about

Most small talk feels like a drag because it’s on autopilot.
But how would that feel different if you led with curiosity?

Instead of “What do you do?” try:

• “What’s something you’re looking forward to this week?”

• “What’s been on your mind lately?”

• “What’s something that made you laugh this week?”

The best conversations start when you want to hear the answer.

3. Share a little of yourself

Great small talk is a two-way street.
Be willing to share—lightly and genuinely.

You don’t need a rehearsed story or a perfectly timed insight.
Just something real.

I’ve found that when I offer something I’m learning, noticing, or even feeling—it often opens the door for the other person to do the same.

4. Pay attention to what’s not being said

Sometimes people aren’t up for a chat.
Other times, there’s an opening, but only if you’re paying attention.

Notice their energy. Their posture. Their pace.

Then adjust yours.

5. End on a high note

The way you close an exchange makes a difference.

People tend to remember the last thing you say. So make it count.

Things like:

• Compliment something specific: “You have a great way of explaining things.”

• Give some quick encouragement: “Sounds like you’ve got this.”

• Simply say, “It was great talking with you. I’m glad we ran into each other.”
  
  

Takeaway

You don't need more time.
You just need to intentionally use the moments you already have.

1. Be present, not perfect
2. Ask questions you actually care about
3. Share a little of yourself
4. Pay attention to what’s not being said
5. End on a high note

That’s all it takes to make someone’s day a little brighter.

Keep showing up my friend. See you next Thursday.

If this resonated with you, forward it to someone who might need it today.

Whenever you're ready, there are 3 ways I can help you:

1. Need some team training and a plan to achieve purpose-driven growth? Let me lead a custom workshop for you. [Contact me here]

2. Want me to come speak at your event or meeting about one of my content topics? [Contact me here]

3. Want short, but meaty tips on growth systems for profit, purpose, and a meaningful life? [Follow me on LinkedIn]

If you liked this article, you might also like:

GNT #098: Attending to the Ending
GNT #58: Grow your Network by Cheering for Others
GNT #080: It's just you and me. 👀

If you were forwarded this, sign up to receive it each week here. It’s free. I never spam.

To read my full library of newsletters, click here.