GNT #55: Learn who you really are (without running off to be a monk)

read time: 4.5 minutes

By all means, run off to be a monk.

But if you can't right now, hear me out.

Your understanding of who you are is clouded by the culture you live in, your personal history or any traumas experienced, and the people you interact with every day.

Making decisions, career choices, big investments, how you spend your time, your happiness level, you name it... are all impacted by your perception of yourself.

If you want to feel more content, free, and enjoy a greater sense of meaning in your life - a great place to start is getting to know who you really are.

Here are 7 ways to get started "noticing", stripping away those misconceptions, and meet the real you.

Get ready to say, "Hello."

1. Notice your words

Many people don't realize just how much words matter.

Words have power - and are a tool of creation and catalyst for action.

They are also a system of symbols we've evolved to use as a society. However, truth becomes relative through the use of symbols.

You create your life story through words. And when these words are filled with self-criticism, you use words to attack yourself.

-"I'm not smart."
-"I'm not good enough."
-"I'll never get this."

What would happen if you noticed how you used words to talk to yourself? And then, reframed a new narrative that brings you joy?

If you can own your words and your narrative about yourself, the anxiety about what others think will no longer matter. Because you know words are simply symbols that are relative and not your universal truth.

When you start to notice your words, and create new words about yourself that bring you joy - the real you will start to emerge.

2. Notice what brings you joy and moments of flow

According to Marie Kondo, the best way to decide what to keep and what to throw away is to hold each item in your hand and ask: "Does this spark joy?"

If it does, keep it. If not let it go.

Similarly, if we could "hold" other aspects of our life in our attention and ask the same question, what would we uncover?

What type of "work" brings us to a state of flow, where the work seems to just flow out on its own.

When you start to notice the things and work in your life that spark joy, you'll start to uncover the uniqueness that is you. 

3. Notice when you feel attacked

These reactions often stem from deep-seated insecurities or past traumas.

When you find yourself taking things personally or feeling defensive can you pause and ask yourself a few questions?

-Why did this comment or situation strike a nerve?
-Is my reaction proportionate to the actual event, or is it magnifying deeper issues?

It's not about blaming yourself, but about understanding your triggers.

It's an opportunity to uncover hidden aspects of yourself.

Perhaps there are unresolved feelings of inadequacy, fear of failure, or a deep-seated need for approval.

Recognizing these triggers helps you respond more rationally to criticism and conflict. And it also helps you differentiate between constructive feedback and negativity so you can respond in a way that aligns with your core principles (more on that later) vs. reacting impulsively.

Over time, noticing what triggers you, strengthens your sense of self. You become less reactive to external opinions and more anchored in your truth.

4. Notice your daydreams

When you find yourself lost in thought, what are you thinking about?

What kind of future are you imagining?

These daydreams are clues to your true aspirations, what you really want.

By noticing them and naming them, you can start to create a path toward that future.

5. Notice when you spin wheels making assumptions

Assumptions are the source of much internal conflict and misunderstanding in our interactions.

Notice when you're spinning mental wheels making assumptions about others' intentions or about how situations might play out.

-Can you challenge these assumptions by asking for clarity?
-Are they unfounded?
-Is your brain bored and leaning into assumptions to fill the void?

Learning to distinguish facts from assumptions can help you respond more effectively, but also build a better truth to your internal narrative.

6. Notice your body's signals

Your body often knows things before your mind does.

Muscle tightness, unconsciously backing away, energy levels, and even gut feelings are powerful indicators of your true feelings and needs.

-Can you start paying attention to these body signals?
-Are you tired, tense, or uncomfortable in certain situations?

Your body might be telling you something important about your environment, relationships, or choices. 

7. Wrap your noticings into your beliefs, values, and core principles for daily living

Now that you've been noticing and learning, it's time to draft your beliefs, values, and core principles. 

A great way to start this is through journaling.

Journaling helps in making these abstract observations tangible and actionable.

Document what you notice about your reactions, thoughts, and feelings.

As you journal, use a highlighter to highlight experiences or thoughts that could evolve into a potential belief, value, or core principle.

Beliefs: Your convictions about what is true in the world. 

Values: The things that you hold important and dear. 

Core Principles: your actionable and specific guidelines dictating how you act and make decisions on a day-to-day basis. 

Solidifying your beliefs, values, and core principles is truly a transformative (and ongoing!) process that helps you understand:

1) who you are
2) why you're here on this planet

Two important ingredients for a meaningful life lived.

 
Takeaway

Today's the day to start learning who you really are and to begin living a life that's truly yours.

1. Notice your words
2. Notice what brings you joy and moments of flow
3. Notice when you feel attacked
4. Notice your daydreams
5. Notice when you spin wheels making assumptions

6. Notice your body's signals
7. Wrap your noticings into your beliefs, values, and core principles for daily living

You're worth it. I believe in you.

See you next week.

Whenever you're ready, there are 3 ways I can help you:


1. Need some guidance on personal or professional growth? I'm here to help. It's easy to book time with me. Book a 1:1 worksession with me now.


2. Have a problem you want broken down into actionable steps to solve? Send it to me and I'll write about it.

3. Want short, but meaty tips on growth systems for profit, purpose, and life. Follow me on LinkedIn.

If you were forwarded this, sign up to receive it each week here. It’s free. I never spam.

To read my full library of newsletters, click here.